A lot of self-esteem culture my generation faced felt like cognitive-behavioural therapy doled out by adults who had no training in how to sensitively administer a therapy program to anyone in particular, let alone children. Therefore, it sucked and was at best disconcerting and confusing. At least for me. Anyway, telling kids to be themselves is a substanceless and noisy truism which shames kids for engaging in what seems to me a well-adapted, strategic, unconscious, evolved behaviour: trying to fit in. And for the kids who find it difficult to fit in, "just be yourself" is transparent circular reasoning. The real answer is adults don't know have well-tailored heuristics for fitting in, uniquely matching the specialness of one single person, let alone a child. Be honest with children. When the disciplinary action of a teacher, parent, or other authority figure fails to cease signaling games among children, it's better for the adult to answer a child's question of "how do I become less awkward?" with, "I'm not sure. Tell me more.". From there, listen to the child's messy reality and see it through their eyes, and figure out a plan together.
I've been told to be myself dozens of time, as if beforehand I was the most awkward kid in my class only because I was wearing the skinsuit made from another child and was pretending to be someone else. "Be yourself" is the hollow turd of truisms.
